alive and (un)well. just being melodramatic when it's completely unnecessary. my mind is running but more like in place,kind of how life is. you wouldn't understand what i mean. you and they have been here before but it isn't the same for me. and trying to explain anything is just leaving me with a dry mouth and sore shoulders and you shaking your head (not in disagreement but more like disbelief). "mellow out"- but thats been the problem all along, at least it's been one of them. i feel like a nocturnal animal in the zoo at 12 noon. me turning away from you so you don't see my eyes when im walking out the door. you saying "shake it off,get back in the game,kid. we're gonna be okay", but trailing off in a whisper cause i know you don't even believe yourself. the volume goes with the truth. naivetey feels very strange on me but is as warm as the shyness that comes with it. you'd never guess that. new york transit love affair. the veins going underneath the streets that feel so foreign yet endearing. it's not charm, i just don't get it. trust me (but not really). couch living has me hanging onto phone lines. darling, i'm not making sense and my throat is sore-maybe at least you know i mean it. dreading your voicemail as it clicks on. and on and on and on. its me logging off.