sometimes i like being lied to
if thats what it takes for me to think that you give a shit
everything reminds me of you, i wish i could turn back time, etc
it's all just a joke to you, isn't it?

and as i remember those days my eyes are burning and i feel the tears coming and all i think of is you and that smile and im lying here on the cold tile floor wishing you were here to comfort me with your fake words and your false pretenses and me thinking it means something and feeling alright even though i know tomorrow night this cycle will happen all over again and me wishing i would have thought of this ending the times we laughed our laughs and talked our talks but not walking our walks and im so not ready for love.

sometimes its everything and sometimes its nothing at all

"Merry Christmas, I could care less"
I only wish life that that simple
Yet most nights i find myself lying awake in bed longing for big city lights and cars in transit to somewhere other than here
These are the awkward thoughts that dance around in my head regularly
I hate that word "dance", because it reminds me of what we'll never do
The epitome of perfection is you loving someone who cant love themselves
But then again, nothing is perfect

vintage louis vuitton bags under the eyes
the marlbo-glow
i need him more than he needs me, he needs her more than he needs me and so on.
theres nothing new under the sun
but were reading on existentialism in the shade.
i am so in love with YOU and the idea of YOU listeing to the music and singing the words.
i know its weird but i like to imagine what you are thinking when its playing.
if it werent for that i am not sure where i would turn.
i guess this is another halfhearted thank you. just because you keep tuning in.

"dont you think its insane how donald duck never wears pants?"

life is better when youre around.

but yes i do think its insane.

from under the cork tree.

sometimes the planets align
sometimes they dont
its like how part of my childhood was stolen when they took planetary status away from pluto
we'll be there one day
i am sick- like i cant ever get enough sleep or time or words
as this thing grows i become more and more insecure.
cant look anyone in the eyes-
i am paranoid- worried sick that i am not good enough for anyone who looks at me
i know how rediculous this sounds
trust me
folie a deux is the idea of shared madness-
the scientific term for romeo and juliet
i have a feeling that we share that with eachother when you have your headphones on
currently working on: taking it easy-
dont mean to be so heavy; just want you to know why i look so gray sometimes lately.
have the house to myself for a day or two, if you decide to come back this time.
i was born at night, but not last night

you make me weak in the knees.
life as of late: "usually i like to get kissed before i feel fucked".

i make my wishes on stars that are probably just burned out.

there was this girl-a doll. hanging and dancing on strings. brown hair and smiling. she lived just off of a town called naivety... some place i have driven through from time to time. and i never had an idea. cut the strings so we could run down the street under trees and roll in the grass. never meant for it to become what it did in so many different ways. never meant to always leave the driveway headed one direction and never knew what waited when i returned. only that her eyes were the lights in the windows that i pulled up to in the snow. slipping off the ends of icy roads at nights racing home through the night no matter what. and the miles got father and farther in between. and i couldnt ever figure myself out to save a thing. but now i cut those strings and she is forever dancing or lying or waiting in the lit windows for vans and buses that came less and less. and i wrote the harshest words and she wrote the harshest words. eyes always red and puffy. pride always on the line. things were much simpler when she was on strings i think. things were much simpler when the van only went so far. before i had to press a picture of her and paste it on dashes and inside of bunks everywhere. i cant explain how i got here. it doesnt make any sense. she could follow the articles and videos or my pieced together stories. or a dog. or a dream. or words that make half sense sent in the middle of the night. and even when im telling the truth it doesnt matter cause the phone is always dead. and i am always 30,000 feet in the air flying somewhere. but i keep the warmest memories close to my heart even when im at pay phones and want to cut my insides out, dry them up and mail them to her. "im sorry" doesnt matter anymore. the words have no meaning. im sorry i cut the strings and ran away. now when i come to look for her i dont know where to begin. its hard to not say "its all my fault" but it goes through my head over and over so i cant sleep with out the AMBIENce of my bed. bane songs. boomerangs. badnews. texas. goodbye lovem i didnt know you well....or maybe too well.

yeah.
that whole little schpeil was about myself.
depression (?)
i wish i lived in london so i would have an excuse to drive on the wrong side of the road.

computer broke. back broke. love broke.
but the ship is gonna look pretty at the bottom of this sea.
my memory is a steel trap.
your face has been filed away- to be scrutinized later.
to be despised.
to be loved.
to be sought.
to be dreamt of.
i am the inside of "i dont care".
right in the middle.
staring at you.
i have you read before you even say your name.
except when im wrong
and my whole world tips on end.
"i loved everything about you that hurts".
everything i love about you is a mess- is the reason you cant get through your days.
in my head i smash mirrors and break palm readers' hands.
i am not a closer and never will be,i cant get my mind to shut off long enough to make moves.
i'd rather break you down.
i dread human contact but cant stand to be alone-two parts of me that are constantly at war with each other.
every single mirror is a trick mirror.
not just the funhouse ones. we see what we want.
i wish i could live a billion years just to evolve beyond love.
only the science of that doesnt really add up,and besides i am addicted to it.
i have put my belief in god in a sort of holding pattern-i close my eyes hard and want to believe. just because this can't be it.
but im not ready to commit.
keep flying.
one of these days were gonna run out of fuel.
the famous < the infamous.
i want to become better than i am.
i want cures instead of houses.
and hope instead of hype.
only its all so big that i dont even know where to start.
birth and death are just the bookends,no one explains how to find happiness in between.
my mood changes before i finish whole sentences. hence the fragments.
if anyone ever knew the whole truth im pretty sure they would lock me up and throw away the key.
i wish jimminy cricket was my best friend.
i think hed keep me on track.
it's no fun hating someone who hates themself so much more.
you're just an amateur.
you can't complain about your back and then jump off of high things.
well you can but then you just look silly.
my attention span, my temper, my faith and my height are all pretty much just short.
if i ever really had three wishes i am sure i'd waste them on ruining three peoples lives.
disappointing people is my thing baby,find a new gig,this town ain't big enough for the two of us.
i have a love/hate relationship with being forgotten.
i fall asleep on the keyboard all the time,i think it is of some comfort to me.

me=
who loves: you.
who gives: up.