they say there's a pill for everything. "I'm feeling careless, restless, etc..." "oh, we can take care of that". less is more...take away the less and you and you get care and rest. two things I don't have and I'm almost positive there is no pill for heartless, unless overdosing counts. although that doesn't get you anything except maybe a hospital bed and a bruised ego. lovely bones and lonely homes. I can almost hear you lying next to me but when I turn my head I realize it's just the low hum of the computer. sometimes I think of moving north but then I remember you always hated the cold. and I hate what you hate...should I hate myself? I'm not trying to break your heart - you can't break what's not there. you break it you buy it and now you're deep in debt. I would help you but you say "I can stand on my own". seeing is believing...I saw you, I believed in you, and look where that got me.

"there's a lot that I don't know
there's a lot that I'm still learning
but I think I'm letting go
to find my body is still burning
and you hold me down..."

toast to no one. who cares. i don't care what they say about this. it is magic - not smoke and mirrors. it is real. every drop of sweat and every milemarker. remember me, or i hope you don't. i scream off my balcony at this sleeping city. my throat hurts and my hair smells like smoke. do you ever get the feeling that your insides and your outsides dont really go together?

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oh yeah i'm sorry for breaking your nose
and my heart
and that promise
and your dream

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the only thing i am sure of is - however you think of me is wrong.

goodnight - goodbye

just one more magic trick
and I'll know that it's the end
What would I give for one more chance that cold day
when all my colors turned to gray
at least this time, I'd say goodbye

please don't leave me, cause now you'll never see me
do all the things I said I'd do
but in my heart I know I'll always have you

when I came to see you
you weren't who I was used to
no coffee on the table, no horses in the stable
just you and her
and I could see the sadness in her eyes
and your body's just a disguise
I know who you really are
though your hair has fallen stray
your colors turned to gray
oh, what I wouldn't give
to say goodbye
oh, everything I would give
to have said goodnight

lets split this life- dont think i can take a whole one on my own. the inside of my head is a time machine. and it only goes to the past. always making different choices. taking chances/not taking chances. late night blurs vs. the clarity of morning light. never too sure who is gonna show up or whos gonna call in sick- i wouldnt trust your love farther than i could throw it. there are so many people asleep in my house right now but none of them are you.