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im sensing some antidote in the way the world has been speaking to me. but im all heart with these fingers stuck in my ears-playing scenes from my childhood so loud that i cant hear whats happened to me. you cant fly these wings, you cant sleep in this box with me. somewhere theres a backroom for us to be swapping spit in. a ditch for me to be forgotten again. "there are plenty of fish in the sea" quip pretty fisherman on boats in stocked lakes and fish farms. do you think about me when you see the moon in the afternoon? "shape up or ship out". im nailed and boarded up in a box addressed to somewhere else. of all gods jokes, i am the most cruel- i will make you forget your head and your rules and your friends and your faith. can we go back to how it was? before there was a world out the front door that got off on being down. stockpiled good fortune and i am ready to wait out the storm. i want you in my after 12am veins. lately it all just feels like looking up through ice in a frozen pond at red cheeked families skating, carefree. to be honest, even though im nodding off in airport lounges-i'd rather lay my head on a curb somewhere with you than any of the rest of it. and the universe doesnt care about luck or headlines. someone whispered "make yourself" in my ear once. steal me away from all of this. make yourself.